Wednesday, March 25 10:48 pm 15.9 mi
AT 93.5 Carter Gap Shelter → AT 109.4 Winding Stair Gap
Weather: Sunny today, heavy rain and storms last night
Trail Conditions: Slippy spots of mud, otherwise really good!
My Condition: Heartbroken. Spent most of last night agonizing and coming to grips with a really tough decision. Physically, hot spot between big and index toe on right foot forming from wet feet all day yesterday and today.
The ATC has officially asked people to stay off the AT. While they noted that they cannot shut down the trail, they begged and pleaded, noting increases in crowds and impact on trail and infrastructure, lack of ridgerunner and trail crew maintenance support, and impact potential for small trail town communities. While I may not agree with the decision, I cannot in good conscience continue on in defiance of this request. I am not bigger than the trail. I am not above these recommendations. While it breaks my heart to hit the pause button on this experience, I know in my heart that this is the right decision. Being a good steward of the trail means more than just picking up litter and burying your poop. Not only that, obstacles keep popping up and situations keep changing – the Smokies and the Shenandoahs are closed. Maryland and New Jersey sections of the trail are shut down. Fontana Dam is open to locals only. Hostels, shuttles, resupply points shutting down. Avoid groups. Avoid shelters and privies. Bars and restaurants shut down in town. Closures updating daily, and I don’t want my experience to be checking that and rearranging my entire plan daily, often multiple times. There is an inherent beauty in the freedom, the simplicity, of the traditional AT experience: wake up, decide how far you want to go that day, go into town to resupply when you need to. This year (so far) that isn’t happening. I came out here to simplify, to clear my mind, to declutter my head, to eliminate decision fatigue – the experience so far has not done any of that. While I have loved the experience overall, I have often felt that I was fighting against the current, rather than going with the flow. Coming to the decision to hit the pause button was tough, but it makes sense. Hard climb up to fire tower, but fittingly perfect view for last day on trail until conditions are right to resume the experience. Parents picked me up at Winding Stair Gap. Had nice discussion with former thru hiker and current trail maintainer. Great to see Bear and Huxley, and my family, again. My heart belongs to the trail and yearns to be back, but the trail is not going anywhere.
Post Trail Analysis
One of the most restless nights of sleep I’ve ever had. Anger, tears, all sorts of emotions bubbling up. I lay in my tent, listening to the distant thunder, knowing I was about to pull the plug on something that truly mattered to me. It felt eerily similar to the choice I had made to leave the camp where I had worked - I loved it but I knew in my heart that it was the right decision to make. I made the right decision at the time choosing to get off trail. With the Smokies right on the doorstep and Fontana Dam on lockdown, my options were to skip ahead only to continue banging in to resistance and obstacles, or go home and take a break while we got a clearer picture of how everything was going to play out. I’m glad I didn’t skip ahead – I’m proud to have walked every step from the southern end of the trail to the northern end. I wouldn’t have met my trail family had I gone on. And ultimately, the experience I was having wasn’t the one I wanted. I didn’t want to be putting this much effort into planning as new roadblocks popped up hourly. I’ve always heard that you don’t want to quit on a bad day, and I’m glad that this beautiful, sunny day is when I made the decision, rather than during the wet, miserable slog of yesterday. Somehow, deep down, I knew that I’d be coming back to the trail soon enough. I can’t explain it, but I knew that it would all work out.
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